Stuck In Traffic
Holiday traffic was at a standstill. There were no accidents or icy road conditions. I was not in a food line or Covid test line or a gas line from a previous life. I was in a foot traffic line inside my local Walmart. I was in the “speedy” check-out line with seven items already on the conveyor belt, when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but store wide shut- down of all computers. I make a motion to have cash registers in place for emergency use. Besides being manually operative, I believe they are hack proof. Then I won’t have to worry about being a victim of data breach from Cozy Bear (Russians) or anyone else.
I really wanted my seven items, and couldn’t purchase them anywhere else, so I began searching my mind for ways to amuse myself while waiting. I started with people watching. Humans started abandoning full to the brim grocery carts while melty items dripped into puddles. Soon the alcove in front of me started looking like the deserted cars along a highway in a scene from The Stand.
Noise levels started rising as crying children and angry adults (some of them crying also) created a musical cacophony (I like to say “cacophony”). I tried composing a cacophony symphony in my mind. But, alas, I’m not musically inclined.
I began to wonder why management didn’t make some kind of announcement or at least start a sing-a-long to spread some Christmas cheer.
Now hunger pangs were knocking on my door. WW Sandy was practicing mindfulness while her alter ego was considering all the candy bars within reach.
By the half hour mark, I began singing (behind my mask, of course) 525,600 minutes (from Seasons of Love) in order to measure my time in Walmart. Every minute was beginning to feel like a year.
In addition to hunger, I was experiencing other basic needs, but did not want to lose my first in line status. If I left, came back, and resumed my original position in line, would I be not guilty by reason of meltdown. Would other customers start hurling insults or objects at me?
It is now one day away from New Year’s Eve and I am still in the Christmas check-out line. I refuse to leave until the computers return from their vacation.
Until next time, here’s some Weight Watcher advice. Go to Walmart, load up your cart with healthy fruits and veggies, snack on them while you wait for a week in line. When you emerge, you will be 5 pounds lighter and happier. Wishing all of you a lighter 2021!
Enjoyed your column.
ReplyDeleteI needed this.