Money Makeover

For some reason, 5 years from now seems a lot sooner than the arrival of 2020. In either case ladies, we need to get our act together, as well as our makeup kits. I'm hoping to convince Treasury Secretary, Jack Lew, to wave that pesky One Must Be Deceased Rule to qualify for picture status on the soon to be revised $10 bill. ("Pesky" is a funny word, "deceased" is not.)

First of all, I want to go on record as saying I don't think it's fair to bump Alexander Hamilton. He's been the "Face of the Ten" since 1929. A possible reason for the Deceased Rule is dead people can't protest demotions.

That being said, I would like to nominate Audrey Hepburn to be the new Face of the Ten for the following reasons:

• Audrey Hepburn and Alexander Hamilton have the same initials. (Irrelevant, but interesting)
• 1929 is significant to both AH's. Audrey was born in 1929 and Alexander first appeared on the current size bill.
• Audrey is more photogenic than Alex.
• Audrey was a proud supporter of UNICEF and voted in every election, even when on holiday in Rome and sizzling in Paris!

I would also like to propose a compromise. My research assistant, Wolfgang, informed me that $10 bills last an average of 3 years. They wear out from everyday use, are taken out of circulation and replaced. So why not alternate pictures every 3 years? Or better yet, why not print half of the bills with Audrey and the other half with Alexander every year? 

And isn't it about time to spice up our currency with some color? According to Audrey's son, Luca, Audrey's favorite color was cyan. So, I think a headshot of Audrey with a cyan background would be beautiful. Since we can't ask Alex his favorite color, I'm going to suggest red for his background color.

Although Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt or Rosa Parks would all be excellent choices to feature on a ten, my choice of Audrey is not completely frivolous. She did work for UNICEF for 38 years and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her work as a UN Goodwill Ambassador. In addition, she won an Oscar, Golden Globe, Emmy, Grammy, Tony and the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

In conclusion, even if Audrey Hepburn is not chosen by Jack Lew, I'm going to award Audrey posthumously (She's dead, not me!) the first annual Kanela Award for just being a good person. So be good dear readers ( good being defined as writing favorable comments about my articles) and you may be chosen for next year's Kanela Award.  

Contest to follow to design a Kanela! Think Hawaiian!

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

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From Piggy Bank to Swiss Bank

Pig in a Panic!

You may be wondering what it will take to turn the banking industry around. I don't claim to have all the answers, but my Piggy Bank has turned his back on me.

This drastic attitude was a long time coming. I believe it started when deposits were no longer filling his belly. Mellon and then Citizens swayed me to feed their voracious financial appetites instead. Month after month automatic deposits went into my checking account.

And just last month, I discovered the ease of online banking. With a click of the mouse, I was able to transfer funds from one of my accounts to another. If you would like me to prove this to you, just email me your checking account number and I'll do the math!

Here's my next dilemma: do I return to my lifelong friend, Mr. Pig or continue to safeguard my substantial assets from public scrutiny and heavy-handed taxation by looking toward the very attractive option of the Swiss Bank Consortium? Swiss bank accounts can be opened for as little as $350 to $550, plus a small initial deposit. Opening deposits of $200,000 are often the minimum.

What to do? Offshore or offline?

Pig Bank vs Swiss Bank
I'm "Kanela" to Mr. Pig. I'm only a number to Switzerland.
Less "banky" vs More "banky"
Cash on hand vs Can't hold the cash
Muddy, but fun vs Clean

The deal breaker came down to a motto. I had decided on Bank COOP - Switzerland. but then I realized their motto was: COOP. The clean Swiss bank. Cleanliness is not high on my list of banking requirements, so I am turning my personal economy around and embracing my Piggyness.

Please deposit your cash and comments @ sandraseeley.com. Kanela is very "interest"-ed.

P.S.
To my brother, Patrick: The dime I stole from you when I was 6 and you were 9 is still in Mr. Pig!

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Stupid Moments

YES, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but the biggest one of all might be revealing them to you. "Why tell Readerland?" you may ask. I may answer, "Because Readerland is there!" Here are a few of my more stellar stupid moments.

While vacationing in Lake Worth, Florida one summer day, I forgot to close my wide open car trunk at the beach. Seven hours later, I returned to the car only to find nothing was missing. My purse with hundreds of dollars in cash, credit cards of many hues and banks, and American Express Travelers Checks of many denominations did not leave the trunk without me. My 35mm Nikon camera also did not go missing. In my defense, I'm stupid!

I once asked a New York taxi cab driver how to pronounce his name. It was pronounced "John"! In my defense, I couldn't read his writing on his hand written business card and thought it was "Yasim".

I also gave Yasim the $2 tip money intended for the skycap at LaGuardia Airport and gave the skycap the $40 tip money intended for Yasim. Luckily for Yasim, I still had his business card and was able to call him back on his cell phone immediately. But not before snatching $40 back from an amazed skycap. I don't think Yasim wants to see me again. In my defense, it was a stressful day.

Once and only once did I delete all the faxes, not pertaining to me, from my customer sales and service cubicle computer at Verizon Wireless. I ignored all the "What happened to my fax?" shrieks bellowing from surrounding cubicles. In my defense, I did not know this would happen and just wanted to clear up the clutter. Also, I hate getting "Your mailbox is over its size limit" messages. If my former supervisor from VZW reads this, my co-worker, Yasim actually did this - not me.

Yes you can Email your Stupid Moment or Stupid Comment to Yasim E. Smith today.

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Strange, But Almost True!

"Here's The Thing!"

On March 7, 2007, along with Pittsburgh Public School District, Get Go had a 2 hour delay due to snow conditions. Just kidding, Get Go! You dispensed my fat free French Vanilla Cappucchino right on schedule. A caffeine high five to you.

Have you tried paying a bill by phone lately? It seems certain companies like Dick's Sporting Goods charges you a fee to take YOUR money. Not very sporting of you, Dick!

My computer died. I called Staples to see if their tech could revive it. The person on the phone told me they couldn't diagnose it if I couldn't power it on. But that's the problem! Ahhhhhhh!!! In defense of Staples, phone person was not the techie - just the dummy. Perhaps I'll get the "Dream Team" on Grey's Anatomy to work on it. After all, they revived Meredith and my computer wasn't even under water.

OK, here's a PSSA math question to see if you're smarter than the average 4th grader. At 5AM, on March 7th, I shoveled my driveway of all visible white stuff. It took me 1 hour and 1 extra shower. With hands clutching the steering wheel in a death grip and hyperventilating from fear, I drove 30 plus miles to work at 5 mph. If T = D/R, how long did it take me to realize that Pittsburgh Public School District closed their doors in my freezing face? If all teachers at Weil ALA are supposed to be at work by 7:35 AM even on a 2 hour delay, couldn't the "Roads" Scholars have decided before 8:15 AM that driving was dangerous? My next car is going to be a Zamboni, snowmobile, or dog sled. Hey, I remember Sgt Preston of the Yukon. "Mush, you huskies!"

Humor me: Invest in my 402L Plan (L is for laughter).

PS

Be sure to visit me also at sandraseeley.blogspot.com and check out The Writings Between Two Columns and the Future Champions.

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