Wednesday, November 03, 2021

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty: Use Your Noodle
 
Finally, an email arrived from The Universe! I have long questioned why I am overweight and underpaid. The Universe, tiring of my whining, left this message in my Inbox: You are underpaid because you don’t have a job. Get one! You are overweight because you haven’t been using your noodle. Use it! 

Therefore, I started using my turquoise blue, 52 inch long pool noodle. I do my best critical thinking while floating in a sensory deprivation pool, otherwise known as The Mon Valley Fitness Center. Some of my thoughts while noodle boarding (similar to paddle boarding, but the noodle is above you): I should write a book called Weight Loss for Dummies. I should not have watched the pool scene in Passengers with Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt. Trust me, you do not want the 800 gallons of water enveloping you to lose its gravitational pull! Chris Pratt enveloping you, with or without gravity, would not be a bad thing. I wonder if my noodle (brain) is made of Polyethylene Foam.

Since I often have both the 90 degree Fahrenheit therapy pool and frigid lap pool all to myself, I can immerse myself in WW 101. I can plan meals, meditate, workout, change habits and shift my mindset; all while using my noodle. Brainstorming with myself is challenging, but often rewarding.

For example, I recently attended a Halloween party at Mariner's Hall, a club where on Monday nights, I try to learn line dancing. I agonized over whether I should wear my Raggedy Ann costume because it made me look like Plus Size Ann! Actually, I can’t blame it on the costume. Anyway, I wore the costume and couldn’t have been more surprised. People loved it, took pictures of me and reminisced about a favorite Raggedy Ann from days long ago. They didn’t see me as I saw myself. They saw a smiling woman having fun, wearing a prize worthy costume. 

I learned a valuable lesson at that Halloween party. I learned to wear the costume, to buy the bathing suit (in any color but black), to have fun every day, to publish an article on my blog (reminder: I'm sensitive to criticism) and to use my noodle!

Until next time, to all my Weight Watcher readers and friends, just know that I will share my noodle with you! See you in the pool, email me or leave a comment. We can achieve our goals together!















 

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Thursday, December 31, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-nine

Change


Change is in the winds and clouds. To quote Mary Poppins: Winds in the east, mist coming in. Like somethin’ is brewin’ and bout to begin. 


Can you feel the shift in the air pressure? Are you anticipating the possibilities of a new year? Will you embrace change?


The first change that is happening to me on January 1, 2021 (and probably a few other people) is that I will no longer be able to print from my Chromebook to the Cloud. I have been using this feature for years. So instead of sulking and waiting for my brother (and tech guru) who lives 3000 miles away from me, to come to my rescue remotely, and feeling empowered from just watching Wonder Woman 1984, I did my research on adding printers, grabbed my golden Lasso of Truth, donned my golden wings and took the risk of solving my own problem. Successful I was, but not without a few hurdles. The highest hurdle was locating the address of my printer. I rightly assumed it was not the same as mine, even though we live in the same house. The test print worked like a charm and I am now free to face more changes or in military lingo “embrace the suck!”


By the way, I watched WW84 on HBO Max. I just found out I had this app through Comcast. I called Comcast to ask tech support how to access this channel. I waited on hold longer than my wait at Walmart (see previous Chapter Forty-eight), so while waiting, I managed to solve my own problem, but had a relaxing conversation about movies when tech guy answered my call. So I already have two wins and the New Year hasn’t even started yet. “I Am Woman…”


These wins are putting the momentum on my side on this weight loss journey. I did not like the change to virtual WW workshops, so I stopped attending. Big mistake! Look for me at the next virtual meeting in Greensburg with coach extraordinaire, Kathy, on January 9th at 9 am. Mary Poppins told me, “Anything can happen if you let it.”


I received a much desired Erin Condren planner for 2021 as a Christmas gift. I already started planning. In the past, I would have felt like I was getting a head start on not keeping my Resolutions! This is not how the “changed” me feels. I’m setting measurable goals, writing with colorful pens and decorating with stickers. My BF, Mary Poppins, told me “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.”


Another west coast brother (I have 3) told me about psychological flexibility as a way of changing one’s mindset in dealing with challenges. More on that later.


Until next time, “I shall stay until the wind changes” or the cloud, and be lighter and happier. That is also my wish for you.





Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-eight

            



Stuck In Traffic


Holiday traffic was at a standstill. There were no accidents or icy road conditions. I was not in a food line or Covid test line or a gas line from a previous life. I was in a foot traffic line inside my local Walmart. I was in the “speedy” check-out line with seven items already on the conveyor belt, when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but store wide shut- down of all computers. I make a motion to have cash registers in place for emergency use. Besides being manually operative, I believe they are hack proof. Then I won’t have to worry about being a victim of data breach from Cozy Bear (Russians) or anyone else. 


I really wanted my seven items, and couldn’t purchase them anywhere else, so I began searching my mind for ways to amuse myself while waiting. I started with people watching. Humans started abandoning full to the brim grocery carts while melty items dripped into puddles. Soon the alcove in front of me started looking like the deserted cars along a highway in a scene from The Stand


Noise levels started rising as crying children and angry adults (some of them crying also) created a musical cacophony (I like to say “cacophony”). I tried composing a cacophony symphony in my mind. But, alas, I’m not musically inclined.


I began to wonder why management didn’t make some kind of announcement or at least start a sing-a-long to spread some Christmas cheer. 


Now hunger pangs were knocking on my door. WW Sandy was practicing mindfulness while her alter ego was considering all the candy bars within reach. 


By the half hour mark, I began singing (behind my mask, of course) 525,600 minutes (from Seasons of Love) in order to measure my time in Walmart. Every minute was beginning to feel like a year. 


In addition to hunger, I was experiencing other basic needs, but did not want to lose my first in line status. If I left, came back, and resumed my original position in line, would I be not guilty by reason of meltdown. Would other customers start hurling insults or objects at me?  


It is now one day away from New Year’s Eve and I am still in the Christmas check-out line. I refuse to leave until the computers return from their vacation. 


Until next time, here’s some Weight Watcher advice. Go to Walmart, load up your cart with healthy fruits and veggies, snack on them while you wait for a week in line. When you emerge, you will be 5 pounds lighter and happier. Wishing all of you a lighter 2021!



Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Saturday, November 21, 2020

Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-seven

Easy As Pie                                                                                        
 Looks sad, tastes great

Whoever coined the phrase "easy as pie" obviously never baked one from scratch. It is not an effortless or pleasurable process. On the recipe, it should say, "Time required: 4 days."

Three of those days were devoted to figuring out how to assemble and operate Mom's Cuisinart to make the dough and slice the apples. Why didn't I have Mom teach me these things while she was still on this Earth? Instead, I had to send numerous text messages (including pictures) to sister extraordinaire, watch YouTube videos, plead with Siri for help and pray for divine intervention. I imagine God loves a good apple pie!

Peeling and coring the apples was painful. If I ever attempt this culinary wonder again, I'm delegating this job to Edward the Great or some passing stranger. Zeus, my research assistant, was only too happy to offer his soulful eyes in encouragement since apples are the only people food he is given. He goes crazy for apples. Note to self: Do not leave Zeus and sliced apples alone. Note to guests: I promise you Zeus did not lick these apples as he consumed a few (fingers are crossed behind my back!)

Baking the pie was the easy part, until I realized I had forgotten to add pats of butter on top of the apples before adding the top crust. What does the butter do anyway? 

As you can see from the picture, it is not exactly a masterpiece. Note to self: make extra dough to allow for picture perfect crimped edges and more decorative cutouts. 

Note to WW Community: 1/8th of a homemade apple pie is worth 16 points. Was this pie worth it to me? H_ _ _, yes! And if I do say so myself, it was delicious. 

This pie was supposed to be a trial run for a Thanksgiving pie. Do I want to go through all of this trouble again? The jury is still out on that question. 

Until next time, I'm going to be thinking "piece of cake" which is way easier. So dear reader, choose your pie or cake and be happier. 



Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Thursday, November 05, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-six

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss             

By Sandra Warholic Seeley


Chapter Forty-six: Let's Talk Turkey

Wild Turkey
Turkeys intimidate me. First of all, if you have ever encountered a turkey in the wild (meaning on the University of Pittsburgh campus) you found out that they are often in attack mode. My daughter used to fear for her life when going to her mailbox and back due to a turkey infestation in her yard. When I would visit her, I had to gauge the distance between her front door and the current location of the turkey patrol, before making a dash for her door (before DoorDash was a thing!)


My research assistant, Zeus, tells me that turkeys may attempt to dominate or attack people they view as subordinates. In other words, they have a pecking order (pun intended). Who would have thought these belligerent birds could be such racists? So here’s my advice to you: Beware of Tom when he puffs up his body and shakes his tail feathers at you. You definitely do not want to be subordinate at this time! (This is his mating dance). Do not let him corner you. Do the turkey trot as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Just hope you can do this faster than 25mph. 


I am even more intimidated by dead turkeys! My sister has traditionally hosted Thanksgiving dinner at her house. Due to social distancing and remodeling of her kitchen (Some people will do anything to opt out of hosting duties), I may have to cook the turkey, make all the sides and bake the pies for just Edward the Great and me. I have never made a complete turkey meal myself. How is this WW related you may ask? I will tell you. I have options. I can attempt to make all of the above, but eat small portions. I can call the DoorDash people. I can go to my daughter’s house, and let her deal with the Butterball hotline (1-800-288-8372 or 1-800-BUTTERBALL). 


As a last resort, I can stay home and have a Wild Turkey Bourbon liquid meal. My research tells me that it is a combination of high proof, a great price and flavor qualities possibly approaching a perfect storm. Not much fiber in this meal, but it’s Thanksgiving and I’m thankful I do not have to cook. 


Until next week or next year (whenever I get around to writing again), Bottoms Up! Repeat this several times and be slap happy! Also, beware of turkeys.




Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Saturday, July 18, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-five

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss               
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Forty-five

As an avid reader of books, the type consisting of many pages bound together and protected by a hard cover, I especially miss my weekly trips to the library. Libraries were put into the non-essential business category and were forced to temporarily close their doors. Yes, I’m still reading on my Chromebook and iPhone, but I can honestly say I have never had a problem turning the pages of my real, hand held book. Unlike recently when my computer screen froze and would not allow me to advance the page of the titillating book I was attempting to read. The forward and back arrow keys refused my commands. Full disclosure: I was reading Never Love a Highlander by Maya Banks. Perhaps the steamy Scottish romance fogged up more than my brain, causing my “book” to malfunction.

This is WW related because during this pandemic I find myself just settling in so many ways. My research tells me that settling happens when you feel like you're losing little bits of yourself. Prior to self-isolation, I would be reading new releases by my favorite authors: Patterson, Baldacci, Grishom, Parker, King (sometimes) to name a few. Now the wait list for their ebooks is longer than your journey to Goal.

I’m determined to no longer settle for second best when it is related to my eating habits. No more excuses. I’m going to concentrate on what I can do to lose weight rather than harboring negative thoughts about my current weight.

I’m also back to borrowing books from libraries, relatives and friends. Currently on loan from my East Coast son is Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series. I’m on Book IV of VIII, enjoying them so much and considering “crying my son’s pardon”* when I “forget” to return them.

Note to self: Hoard books for next pandemic or Round Two of the current one.

Until next week, “I wish you longer days and pleasant nights.”* Don’t settle for second best and be happier.

*Credit to The Dark Tower


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, April 24, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-four

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                           
Aloha Friday at 21!

Chapter Forty-four

It’s getting harder to stay light-hearted during this never ending pandemic with dire warnings about future Covids. I can’t even say I’m going to run away and join a circus anymore, due to lack of circuses. In the past, I used to tell my husband, Edward the Great, that I was going to run away from home, and don’t look for me in Hawaii, my favorite place in the world. Now it’s not even legal to run away. Could running away be considered a necessary trip outside?

During the late 60’s, when I first flew to Waianae, Hawaii on the leeward side of Oahu, to assume my fifth grade teaching position, the biggest problems facing me were a major airline strike and learning to pronounce Hawaiian names. Now I don’t know how I would manage to snorkel wearing a cloth mask. It would probably feel like waterboarding torture.

So fifty years later, on sleepless nights (it’s 2:00 am), I travel back across the Pacific Ocean to visit with my 21 year old self while listening to the Don Ho radio station on Pandora. BTW, I can still sing “Pearly Shells” in Hawaiian! And I often listened to Don Ho perform in person at his nightclub. To ward off panic attacks, I visualize myself lying on the beach at Pokai Bay in my bikini (no need for WW at that time). I can feel the tradewinds playing with my long, BROWN hair. I can smell the heady fragrances of all the exotic tropical plants. I’m traveling again on the Likelike Highway (LEE-kay-LEE-kay) from Honolulu to the windward side of Paradise to visit the Polynesian Cultural Center. I’m driving a baby blue Mustang that my roommate (and 4th grade teacher) had shipped from her home in San Jose, California. To paraphrase “The Blues Brothers,” there are 5000 miles from here to Pittsburgh, we’ve got a full tank of gas, it’s dark out and we’re wearing sunglasses. I left out the part about a half a pack of cigarettes since we didn’t smoke (the 60’s were almost over).

When we weren’t exploring our island, we could be found in our classrooms learning pidgin English, while trying to teach proper grammar. I’ll never forget one student who decorated his Open House folder with swear words. When I asked him why he did this, he said his Mother can’t read English. Actually, I’ll never forget all of my students that year. I hope they are happily married with children of their own. I hope they remember me fondly, too. Now the song “I’ll Remember You” is playing in my head. Perhaps I’ll return to Hawaii’s arms to stay some day.

How is all of this WW related? Well, I just demonstrated a visualization technique that took me to my happy place. Perhaps you can do the same. If I have gained a few pounds lately (which I have), I can blame it on the menehunes, the mischievous little people of Hawaii. Today, my plan is to get back on track. If can can. If no can, no can. If tracking doesn’t work right now, I’ll live by that Pidgin Philosophy for a few more weeks. Either way, I pau! Aloha nui loa.

Until next week, go to your happy place, but wear a mask.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, April 17, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-three

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                               
Contains no Kryptonite!

Chapter Forty-three

My green Kryptonite (it comes in other colors, even periwinkle) is mint chocolate chip ice cream. Even my blood and skin are turning green from consuming copious amounts. It is weakening my superpowers. It’s a bullhorn within the freezer summoning me. I have no willpower to resist its call. Edward the Great dislikes the flavor and the chocolate (What is wrong with him? Actually, don’t get me started on that topic), therefore, I can eat straight out of the carton.

I saw on the news that it’s a scientific fact that isolation makes people hungrier. CNN acquired this data by observing me for the last month. They also reported that grocery stores in my area are completely out of minty, crystalline, strength-draining, frozen bullhorns. Fake news blamed it on hoarders; I blamed it on me.

What to do? WW would tell me to use portion control, diversionary tactics, meditation, or activity in order to resist temptation. I’m considering stronger tactics such as putting a lock on my freezer and hiding the key, duct taping my mouth closed or recreating a 1984 David Letterman stunt involving wearing a velcro suit, jumping on a mini trampoline in order to launch myself face forward to hook and loop myself to a wall. ETG could periodically unvelcro me for healthy meals and other necessities.

I just thought of one other fun diversionary tactic. I’m considering clicking repeatedly on the water (+) tracking part of the WW app. I love seeing the blue waves that appear with each click. I wonder how many 8 oz containers the app will let me accumulate before sexy voiced guy on “Manage Your Stress: Headspace’s Guided Meditations” rescues me from drowning or WW bans me from tracking.

My research assistant (Zeus) just informed me that Andy Puddicombe is the British voice on Headspace. He is actually its co-founder. He’s a former Buddhist monk who was fully ordained in a Tibetan monastery. Dear WW, is it okay to think that a former monk is sexy?

In conclusion, I’ve decided to do one of three things to stop my out of control eating of my favorite ice cream: I’m going to stop bringing it into my house or I’m going to join a Tibetan monastery or I’m going to switch to Breyers Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, it’s white!

Until next week, be more mindful and be happier.


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, April 03, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-two

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                         
Zeus, please sign!

Chapter Forty-two

During my enforced isolation period due to the COVID-19 quarantine, I decided to devote a huge portion of my time to home-schooling Zeus. Thanks to attending previous classes with a local K-9 officer, Zeus graduated Summa Cum Average in basic, intermediate and advanced obedience lessons. He even passed his Good Citizen test. However, Zeus’ CEO mindset has kept him from achieving Laude status. I do not blame Officer Mike for Zeus’ lack of discipline. I blame myself for not assuming the Alpha role in our pack of three. I was given all the necessary tools for success, but did not use them consistently.

So starting today, Zeus is now enrolled in remedial behavior classes. I’ve been developing a syllabus for a canine code of conduct that defines my expectations for Zeus and his responsibilities. My goal is to have a well-mannered 3 year old German Shepherd who does not bark like a crazed Cujo when the doorbell rings, allows invited guests to enter our home willingly and heels on a leash preventing future thumb injuries to the leash holder (Edward the Great or me)! Objective: The student will be able to walk beside me for 3 minutes (measurable objective), at my pace, and stop and sit at attention when I stop. He will not embarrass me by using his superior strength to pull me in a horizontal position as if I were the sled in an Iditarod race and he, the lead dog.

Zeus’ first assignment is to read the syllabus and acknowledge his understanding of the objectives by his paw print signature. I’ve discussed rewards and motivation with Zeus, and he agrees that pretzel rods, string cheese, mini marshmallows and Blue Buffalo biscuits would be excellent motivation. He also suggested lots of praise and belly rubs.

I’m also creating a WW syllabus for myself. I know my goals. Trust me, they are measurable in pounds. I, again, have all the tools necessary for success, but do not use them consistently. My mindset often goes astray, visiting places where chocolate bunnies live. I may enlist the aid of Officer Mike to be my personal food policeman. He’s definitely an Alpha type guy. I would have to think twice (or at least 3 times) about disobeying him, depending on the appeal of the food calling to me. As for rewards and motivation, praise also works for me, but belly rubs are optional.

Until next week, be the Alpha in your own life and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, March 27, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty-one


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                   
Free the balloon animals!
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Forty-one

I ventured out into the wild blue yonder recently (Go Air Force!) while performing complex pandemic risk factor algorithms in my head, surprised and pleased that everything looked normal. No people in hazmat suits or military vehicles or toilet paper thieves lurking behind trees. I decided that news bingeing about ways to stay healthy was dangerous to my health! Instead I was going to see my doctor about my right thumb that was not behaving as a right thumb should. It was moving up and down in painful jerky motions and not getting a proper grip on life or my snacks.

Usually I take a book with me to any appointment. However, I finished my last book from our now closed library. I couldn’t read anything on my phone since I had just finished my first WW virtual workshop on Zoom which caused my battery power to flatline. I didn’t want to touch any magazines in the exam room for fear of nineteen lurking viruses. So after 1 hour of being left to my own devices, I began looking around the room for ways to amuse myself.

First I prayed the Rosary for all the suffering people in the world. That took up 15 minutes. Then I thought about looking in all the drawers, but was afraid of getting caught. Latex gloves hanging on the wall offered the possibility of balloon animals, but I did not want to waste much needed supplies or be referred to a psychiatrist. I could always practice my line dancing steps while humming “Fly Me to the Moon,” but again did not want to be discovered. Did I dare try to Google how to take your own blood pressure for people stuck in an exam room for two hours? The scale was calling to me, but I did not want to step on my nemesis fully clothed. I kept reminding myself that a thumb exam did not require nudity. Then I spotted my salvation: the paper towel holder!

After waving my hand in front of the holder, it dispensed two sheets of writing paper. The perfect gift for keeping a writer from approaching insanity. After writing the first paragraph to this chapter, the nurse came in to take my vitals.

Now we get to the WW part of my story. I knew from seeing my bloodwork results on the online portal that my cholesterol was on the low end of the high range, but the results were still flagged in red. I felt discouraged about my borderline lipids being called to everyone’s attention. Did you see them? The nurse looked back at my previous numbers, and told me my LDL actually came down 30 points from three months ago. This made me realize that I might not be at my goal, but I’m going in the right direction. It’s all about my perception of where I am now as compared to where I used to be, whether it’s cholesterol or weight. We need to celebrate our successes.

Finally, Dr. Johnny-Come-Lately arrived, diagnosed my condition as a trigger finger thumb (possibly due to an injury from pulling on Zeus’ leash at his last vet appointment - bad dog), injected it with a shot of cortisone and sent me home with the admonition to stay out of trouble. I overheard him telling the nurse to never leave me unattended for long periods of time again.

Until next week, be creative during our isolation protocol and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, March 20, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Forty

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                           
Some fear width & Zeus

Chapter Forty

One of my favorite comedians, Steven Wright, once said, “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” I happen to be in the same phobia club as Steven. There must be some deep-rooted traumatic event in my past that caused this debilitating fear (perhaps a lab accident involving gamma radiation). If you even attempt to come near me with a tape measure, my immediate psychological response is to switch over to Personality #2 (The Hulk). For your own good, please do not emotionally provoke me.

My good friends, Merriam and Webster, define “width” as the horizontal measurement taken at right angles to the length. I define my “width” as custom bodywork that’s wider than stock. If I were a Lamborghini, my bodywork would be luxurious and priced between $200,000 to $500,000. Sad to say, I’m more like an oversize truck in need of an escort vehicle. I can aspire to be an Italian sports car, but trucks can be fun, too.

Which brings me to ponder a recent WW Weekly topic on perfection. Coach Kathy told me that trying to be perfect is unrealistic. So unlike Mary Poppins, I’m going to accept the fact that I’m practically imperfect in every way. I’m going to focus on the beauty of imperfections in nature. We all know that the most precious real pearls are those that are formed in nature. The oyster has to deal with an irritant, then coats it with 23 daily Smart Points until it’s no longer an annoyance. Voila! After 5 to 20 years, a saltwater pearl is formed (about the length of time until I reach my goal weight). I’m usually smarter than an oyster, so while I am self-isolating, closing my borders and dealing with irritants (Edward the Great), I’m going to laugh more, read and write more, but eat less.

I just finished reading “Blue Moon” by Lee Child. In this novel, Jack Reacher conducts a WW workshop by incorporating what he learned in the army with Wellness that Works: “It’s something they teach you in the army. The only thing under your direct control is how hard you work. In other words, if you really, really buckle down today, and you get the intelligence, the planning, and the execution each a hundred percent exactly correct, then you are bound to prevail. What the army really means is, if you fail today, it’s completely your own fault.”

Like Steven Wright, “I’m writing a book. I have the page numbers done; now I just have to fill in the rest.” Also, “I’ve written several children’s books...Not on purpose.”

As for laughing more, I’m going to watch videos of long ago favorites: Johnny Carson, Carol Burnett, George Gobel, Victor Borge falling off his piano bench, Topo Gigio ( a 10 inch, half pound foam rubber mouse puppet featured on Ed Sullivan), the Smothers Brothers and more Steven Wright quotes such as, “ I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.” Until next week, stay healthy and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, March 13, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-nine

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                               

Chapter Thirty-nine

Once upon a lifetime ago on a Friday the 13th in September a future WW member was born. This sweet Virgo baby girl (moi) would grow up under a lucky star. She would come to love odd numbers, especially the number 13, and would also love odd people (all of you). Friggatriskaidekaphobia was not a thing for her, probably because she did not learn that word until today. Her playmates were leprechauns and menehunes (Even at a young age, she had a vivid imagination), sprinkling her Carpatho-Rusyn gypsy roots with the luck of the Irish and mischievousness of the little people of Hawaii. This intrinsic gene pool created the soul of a writer who, with luck, will one day be a paid, published writer! Perhaps today will be my lucky day when you pay me with compliments. Or you can always email or fax me some cash!

How is this WW related you may ask? It’s related to our wellness/weight struggles because I strongly believe that we create our own luck (success). Also related because menehunes love zero Smart Point bananas as do I. Success lies deep within our mindset. Did you think today, Friday the 13th, was going to be a lucky day? Do you welcome each morning with the expectation that it’s going to be a great 24 hours? Do you think lucky WW members reach Lifetime status? If you have these positive thoughts, then you will become one of the lucky ones, who with hard work and a shamrock on your shoulder, will be celebrating your goals.

I suggest you use St. Patrick’s Day to jump start your luck manufacturing process. Just don’t forget to wear green on the 17th or a leprechaun will pinch you. Then start thinking about how lucky you are. The more you think about it, the luckier you become. The luckier you become, the more weight you will lose. The more weight you lose, the happier you will be.

In conclusion, I would suggest you eat Lucky Charms cereal in moderation, even though General Mills claims they are magically delicious. I have never tasted these frosted oats, and do not plan on starting now. Instead, I can still believe in the magic of hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, unicorns, rainbows and red balloons. I can exercise extreme caution to not fall head first into my sugar bowl, leaving sugar sprinkle evidence all over my mouth and clothing. I will be delighted with my abundance of determination and luck.

Until next week, make every day a lucky day and be happier.


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Saturday, March 07, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-eight


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                           
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-eight

Daylight Saving Time is approaching early tomorrow morning when I will be forced to lose one hour of sleep. This is no big deal for me since I lose lots of sleep every night due to watching late night TV, dealing with a German Shepherd’s shenanigans (I just like to say that word), consuming of Smart Points in a stupid way, restless mind syndrome, regrets (I’ve had a few), pain, worry, tracking of meals (just kidding!), the need to write, memories, etc. As a citizen of the USA, I am required to change the time. As a member of WW, I am determined that it is time to change my ways.

The biggest change for me is going to be to stop using any excuse to sabotage my WW journey. Here are some of my favorite excuses: I don’t feel like cooking so let’s eat out where unhealthy choices magically appear on my plate. The sky is falling so I’ll eat doughnuts to keep from getting smashed. Zeus’ Apoquel anti-itch medicine costs over $300 a month plus the cost of allergy injections custom made for him are super expensive so I need to feel better by eating more junk food. I need to give myself a treat after giving Zeus his two injections every 10 days. He’s even allergic to cats! The nightly news is so depressing that I need to watch it armed with antidepressants like mint chocolate chip ice cream. Everyone knows the best prevention for the coronavirus is snacking on lots of chips only after thoroughly washing your hands. McDonald’s shamrock shakes are only available once a year. Edward the Great is often in the husbands are frustrating category.

To counterattack the above excuses, I’m going to start by having a lot of fun with the first day of DST. I’ve programmed my clock to randomly select the hours throughout the day. I may start the day with 8 PM when I can indulge in my nightly snack. Four in the afternoon may arrive next with a short nap. Meals, errands, playtime, etc. will have no specific times. I may time travel back to my happy place (Pokai Bay in Hawaii). I’m going to “spring forward” with renewed commitment to WW. Since time is relative, I’ll reach my goal whenever I reach my goal. No pressure!

As Dr. Seuss told me, “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” However, I would like to be Carrie Underwood, if only for a day. I think she’s beautiful and talented. But I also know if I put in the time and effort that she does on fitness alone, I would be happy being me-er than me! So with an extra hour of daylight, I’m vowing to put in an extra hour of effort every day to being the best me possible.

One final word from Dr. Seuss, “From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.”

Until next week, look for the funny things in everyday life and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Saturday, February 29, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-seven

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Wanted: Sandy's Mojo
Chapter Thirty-seven

Local, state and federal (I’ve crossed a few lines) authorities have issued an APB for my mojo. She was last seen wearing an ear to ear smile and bell bottoms. No, I did not leave her behind at Woodstock, bury her beneath the moguls on the Avalanche Trail at Seven Springs Ski Resort or sink her (along with one $85 Scuba Pro Jet Fin) on my first open water dive as part of my NASDS (National Association of Scuba Diving Schools) certification test. For the record, I passed this very difficult test. Nor did she disappear as I was posting at a trot, cantering or jumping over Rocky Mountain high hurdles (one foot high). Actually, she could have gone missing in 3 out of the 4 scenarios listed above. I’ll let you decide which one was not true for me.

So where is Ms. Mojo? Apparently she has been lying dormant within me for quite a few years. Years that have added weight, arthritis, glasses, diminished finances, loss of beloved family members, etc. In other words, life happened. It’s hard enough to tug on a wetsuit on a normal size body (think neck to ankle girdle/spanx) let alone trying to stuff the current model of you into foamed neoprene on a sweltering summer day. It may take two of your diving buddies to dress you, like stuffing a queen size pillow into a twin size pillow case. You could get the bends just from all the hyperventilating involved, but still earn some activity points!

However, I am determined to release my mojo from her inner confinement. I want to regain my 21 year old self’s enthusiasm for life. In this season of Lent, I’ve promised to feed my soul more than my stomach. I’m going to take John Greenleaf Whittier’s advice to buy hyacinths to nourish my soul. I’m going to accept that I have physical limitations for some of my previous activities, but be open to new possibilities. I’m going to sew my mojo back on like Peter Pan’s shadow. As Wendy told Peter, “After all, one can’t leave his shadow (mojo) lying about and not miss it sooner or later, don’t you agree?” So let’s all rediscover our mojos. I’ll sprinkle us with pixie dust as we leap into the air (especially on this 29th day of February) and we’ll fly toward our own personal Neverlands. Just take “the second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” You can’t miss it.

Until next week, BOLO for any missing mojos, return to their owners and be happier.


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Saturday, February 22, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-six


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                   
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-six

These boots are definitely not made for walking, no matter what that song says! My West Coast son stated that I look like a Stormtrooper straight out of “Star Wars.” So for the next 3 weeks (or until these boots come off), I’m going to live by Stormtrooper rules with a few WW rules thrown in for variety (and weight loss).

In my research of these Imperial fighters (with the help of my assistant, Zeus), I discovered that retreat is not an option for them. This may be due to flexibility issues such as not being able to reach their reverse button. Likewise, quitting WW is not an option for me. The rebel resistance in me will win this war on fat, no matter how long the battle.

Stormtroopers must wear all parts of their armor at all times. My doctor (Dr. Emperor Palpatine) told me the same thing. I’m even supposed to sleep with my boot on. Being of the mindset that I would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission, my foot has been sleeping in the nude. Will Dr. P be able to tell that I did not follow his rule when I see him in March? I certainly hope not. I’ve heard there are dire consequences for subversive behavior.

Everything a Stormtrooper says is recorded and evaluated via a microphone inside their helmets. If my doctor and WW coach are listening via boot microphone, I have no treasonous intentions, perhaps just some basic incompetence. So please stop eavesdropping, it’s not a polite thing to be doing.

Another online source said that Stormtroopers train all their lives, but forget all training during battle. This proves that I have Stormtrooper DNA. How can I train so hard in WW mode, yet forget everything when tough situations arise? I’m clinging to the idea that I’m only messing up at times because my boot made me do it. Once the boot comes off, there’s no stopping me. I will reach my goal weight.

So here’s some advice for my fellow WW Stormtroopers: Practice your aim so you don’t miss your intended target, and don’t die easily. In addition, obey all WW laws!

Until next week, as my friend Yoda would say, “Do or do not. There is no try,” and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, February 14, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-five


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                     

Chapter Thirty-five

I, Zeus Seeley, am using Mom’s Chromebook while she is applying ice to her foot and drink. Her vet told her not to mix strong meds and alcohol, which she insists she did not put in the same glass. Good girl! I’m just wondering why Mom thinks everything is funny lately. Personally, I don’t see the humor in foot surgery.

My favorite holiday is today, Valentine’s Day. I get treats every day, but February 14th treats are the best. Just for the record, I adore Easter basket treats and Christmas stocking treats and Pill Pocket treats (what was that bitter tasting crunch inside?) and birthday treats and reward treats and … I think you get the idea that I love treats! All of my WW friends may be wondering how I maintain my goal weight if I am consuming high smart point value goodies. The answer is simple. One, I do not control the cookie jar, and two, I chase my tail during TV commercials. Moderation and activity win the race every time.

Mom’s favorite treat is chocolate covered cherries for several reasons. She told me that one CCC satisfies her sweet tooth for only 3 Smart Points. But more importantly, a box of chocolate covered cherries was responsible for her Mom meeting her Dad. It’s a long family story, but trust me when I tell you that a piece of candy can lead to dating, marriage, babies, and a CCC traditional holiday gift that spans generations. After a lot of research, I discovered that these cherry morsels appeared in many love stories: Sir Lancelot met Guinevere when she actually stole one of his CCC inside the saddlebag on his horse. He then escorted her back to Camelot falling more deeply in love with every passing mile. It’s been reported that as the Titanic was sinking, Jack gave Rose all the remaining CCCherries in his pocket. If only Charlie Brown had realized the power of this candy, he would have bought a box for his friends, resulting in a mailbox full of Valentines for him. Also, he would not have kicked his empty mailbox so hard that he required surgery on his foot!

If Mom were not sleeping right now, she would try to inspire her WW friends with a song from “Camelot.” To paraphrase the lyrics of “What Would the Simple Folk Do?” she would tell you to whistle, sing, dance and laugh your cares away. I would like to add that you should track a treat today and enjoy it.

So Happy Valentine’s Day from Mom and me. To show you how much we love you, I’m going to leave you with this quote from my friend, Winnie the Pooh, “If you live to be a hundred, I want to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

Mom would say until next week, she is accepting all gifts of chocolate covered cherries, she hopes there is at least one Valentine in your mailbox and she hopes you will be happier every day.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, February 07, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-four

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                     
Halfway to Goal
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-four

The best thing about my foot surgery on February 3rd is that I don’t remember anything about my surgery. They (masked people) wheeled me out of my pre-op holding area and I was asleep before I arrived in the operating room theatre (Area 51?). I do remember waking up to a YouTube video (in my mind only) of Hauser (hunky cello player) and senorita (a singer with no need for WW) playing and singing “I Will Always Love You.” Prior to surgery, I asked my husband (Edward the Great) to watch that video with me. I told ETG if he wants me to be in a better mood, just look at me the way Hauser looks at his woman. Here is the link for your viewing pleasure: HAUSER and SeƱorita - I Will Always Love You


I do remember everything before my surgery, especially asking (begging) my assigned nurse to ask the anesthesiologist not to question my weight in front of ETG if he expected an honest answer. It was clearly written in my chart, no need to broadcast the results! This nurse must have been warned ahead of time to humor the crazy WW lady, since she actually attached a note to my chart, written in red Sharpie, to avoid the weight question. This note worked for Dr. Twilight Zone (he did not ask my weight), but the attached note caught ETG’s attention. I had to snatch the clipboard from Edward’s hands and explain that all information on my chart was classified on a strictly need to know basis.

While in recovery, I asked ETG what my surgeon had to say about the operation. He said he did not get to talk to the doctor because he (Edward Not So Great) was in the snack bar at the time that discussion should have taken place. This is a prime example of when I would want to be eating out of frustration, but I am now practicing mindful eating. Also, there was an IV needle in one arm and a big bandage/boot contraption on one foot that made access to food difficult.

I am now recuperating at home with my faithful companion, Zeus. We both have injured right, rear paws. His injury was caused from a self-inflicted pulled toenail, exposing the nerve. My 1st metatarsophalangeal joint arthrodesis procedure was necessary because of arthritis in my big toe joint. I need to trade Zeus’ cone for my boot, it will make eating more difficult for me and easier for Zeus.

Here’s a little non scale victory footnote (pun intended)! I was sent home with a Junior size walker, because I am so petite. Even though this description of me was referring to my height (5’), my oxycodone filled brain took the comment as a weight related compliment.

Until next week, accept any stray compliments, don’t eat out of frustration (wear a cone if necessary), laugh a little harder and be happier.


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Friday, January 31, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-three

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                     
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-three

In March of 2019, I hiked (drove) to the top of Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania (84 miles northeast of Pittsburgh) to have a heart to heart conversation with our resident groundhog, Phil. This was one month after Phil predicted 6 more weeks of winter, based on observing his own shadow. As you can see, I’m still hiding half of me behind trees, based on the fact that my shadow and I are still only halfway to myWW goal.

I feel like I’m in a “Groundhog Day” movie, repeating the same bad habits over and over again. Either Weather Prophet Phil, who for 132 years has been forced into yearly repetition of weather reporting, has put a curse on me or Phil Collins’ (Bill Murray’s character in the movie) girlfriend cursed me/us also. Either way, there are only two ways to break this cycle. One: close your eyes and spell “Punxsutawney” correctly the first time with no help from Google or Siri. Or two: SPOILER ALERT! DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS PROFOUND CHAPTER IF YOU WANT TO WATCH “GROUNDHOG DAY” FOR THE FIRST TIME. IT’S FUNNY AND WORTH WATCHING. I repeat ( a la theme of this chapter) or two: an escape from weight related behavioral redundancy is triggered by a character transformation. Phil is finally worthy of his girlfriend’s love (after repeating the same cycle for 33 years and 350 days). Are we finally worthy of self love. Let’s love ourselves enough to vow (officially on February 2, 2020 - Groundhog Day) to stop repeating any self-destructive habits that prevent us from achieving our weight loss goals.

We need to stop overdrawing our smart point bank accounts. This will result in a weight gain penalty. We need to stop making excuses for our own behavior: I’m overeating because I’m angry at …, celebrating …, saddened by …, depressed because of …, you fill in the blanks. I’ve finally come to accept the fact that I am the one responsible for how I react to the above situations. No one is force feeding me junk food or forcing me to overindulge on healthy calories.

During my conversation with Punxsy Phil, he assured me that he did not put any weight related curses on me. He said he has enough trouble dealing with his own problems. He’s terrified of crowds, but still has to make a speech before thousands of people every February. During his off season, he told me he has been studying public speaking. He also has to deal with angry people who do not like his weather report. That’s why he hustles back inside his burrow as fast as rodently possible. And finally, PETA is trying to steal his thunder by replacing him with an animatronic Phil! Come on PETA, no animals were harmed in the making of this weather report. Let Phil continue to be the star of his own show.

Until next week, break your weight loss/weight gain repetitive cycle, be the star of your own show and be happier!


Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Saturday, January 25, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-two


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                             

Chapter Thirty-two

A serious conversation with myself:

Me: What is wrong with you?

Who me? Let me count the ways. I’m a bit of a drama queen. I have a tendency to laugh at you. I go to my hairstylist for a trim, but tell her not to cut my hair. How else will my hair get longer, but still look stylish? I can’t say “Worcestershire Sauce.” My To-Do list is overbooked. I’m thinking of “bumping” grocery shopping, laundry and clutter control. I will pay you to do them for me, and give you free lodging for the night. I keep buying bananas just to watch them turn brown, before trashing them. I cry ugly.

Me: What is right with you?

Who me? Let me count the ways. I’m a stubborn Lifetime WW member determined to once more feel that I deserve the SAG award for Lifetime Achievement. After Sunday’s award show, people were left wondering about Brad and Jennifer’s relationship, but were not left wondering about what was visible beneath Jennifer’s sheer ivory satin slip dress. I don’t want people to wonder if I know how visible my excess poundage is. Trust me, both Jennifer and I know the maximum visibility of our dresses. We have trained eyes.

Me: Get back to what is right with you.

OK. Here’s (to quote Oprah) what I know for sure. I am stubborn, and that’s a good thing. My persistence will lead to my weight loss success. I am a walking Thespian symbol. There will always be drama and comedy in my life. I don’t need a bronzed, naked, green patina-ed guy with a cute rear view to validate my success (on second thought, maybe I do). With or without him, I am still a winner. Whenever my Lifetime membership is renewed, I want to hear my coach announce, “The Actor goes to me!” But I will be left wondering why Mr. SAG Actor Statuette has neither clothes nor a mouth. Perhaps that is how he remains at goal.

On a final note, I just want to say during my doctor’s appointment for pre-foot operation EKG and blood work, I was cleared for take-off in T-minus 9 days. He told me he was not in the least bit worried about the success of the operation or my tolerance for pain because I’m so stubborn. He then gave me a high five and a bill.

Until next week, I’m giving you some good advice (bill will follow). Be stubborn and be happier!

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, Bethel Park, PA and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Her humorous writing is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. She has often written as Kanela, which is her Pen Name and means Sandra in Hawaiian. Her serious writing is genuine and written from her heart. She lives in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA with her husband and Zeus, her 119 pound German Shepherd, who is her constant companion and writing assistant. They have ongoing discussions about which one is Alpha in their pack.

To contact the author, click the following link.

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The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty: Use Your Noodle   Finally, an email arrived from The Universe! I have long questioned why I am overweight and underpaid. T...

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