Saturday, January 25, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-two


The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                             

Chapter Thirty-two

A serious conversation with myself:

Me: What is wrong with you?

Who me? Let me count the ways. I’m a bit of a drama queen. I have a tendency to laugh at you. I go to my hairstylist for a trim, but tell her not to cut my hair. How else will my hair get longer, but still look stylish? I can’t say “Worcestershire Sauce.” My To-Do list is overbooked. I’m thinking of “bumping” grocery shopping, laundry and clutter control. I will pay you to do them for me, and give you free lodging for the night. I keep buying bananas just to watch them turn brown, before trashing them. I cry ugly.

Me: What is right with you?

Who me? Let me count the ways. I’m a stubborn Lifetime WW member determined to once more feel that I deserve the SAG award for Lifetime Achievement. After Sunday’s award show, people were left wondering about Brad and Jennifer’s relationship, but were not left wondering about what was visible beneath Jennifer’s sheer ivory satin slip dress. I don’t want people to wonder if I know how visible my excess poundage is. Trust me, both Jennifer and I know the maximum visibility of our dresses. We have trained eyes.

Me: Get back to what is right with you.

OK. Here’s (to quote Oprah) what I know for sure. I am stubborn, and that’s a good thing. My persistence will lead to my weight loss success. I am a walking Thespian symbol. There will always be drama and comedy in my life. I don’t need a bronzed, naked, green patina-ed guy with a cute rear view to validate my success (on second thought, maybe I do). With or without him, I am still a winner. Whenever my Lifetime membership is renewed, I want to hear my coach announce, “The Actor goes to me!” But I will be left wondering why Mr. SAG Actor Statuette has neither clothes nor a mouth. Perhaps that is how he remains at goal.

On a final note, I just want to say during my doctor’s appointment for pre-foot operation EKG and blood work, I was cleared for take-off in T-minus 9 days. He told me he was not in the least bit worried about the success of the operation or my tolerance for pain because I’m so stubborn. He then gave me a high five and a bill.

Until next week, I’m giving you some good advice (bill will follow). Be stubborn and be happier!

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.
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Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, Bethel Park, PA and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Her humorous writing is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. She has often written as Kanela, which is her Pen Name and means Sandra in Hawaiian. Her serious writing is genuine and written from her heart. She lives in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA with her husband and Zeus, her 119 pound German Shepherd, who is her constant companion and writing assistant. They have ongoing discussions about which one is Alpha in their pack.

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