Friday, September 22, 2017

Zeus the Birthday Boy



Zeus the Birthday Boy

             By Zeus Seeley as told to Sandra Warholic Seeley

Everybody is invited to my first birthday party on September 30, 2017! I now weigh 250 pounds, and am being fitted for a saddle! Just kidding, but I do weigh over 100 pounds. Must be from all that large breed puppy food I’ve been consuming. Not to mention plenty of treats for good behavior. Mommy laughs every time I burp. She says she has never heard a dog burp like me.  That’s because I’m more human than canine!

A lot has happened to me this past year. I used to live in Alabama with a very loving family. I remember swimming in a large lake, and found out later there was an alligator swimming with me. What?! Mommy and Daddy assured me there are no lake dwelling alligators in Pennsylvania.

I also had a name change from Moose to Zeus. Either that or my new parents have a speech impediment, and can’t pronounce Moose correctly.

People here say I bark with a southern accent. Actually, they just say I bark a lot. The parents say they appreciate my guard dog skills, but want me to stop when they have everything under control. I say I’m working on an attitude adjustment. Officer Mike, a K-9 police officer and my new trainer, says I need to stop that right now. He sure is an alpha character, and is teaching the parents his alpha ways. Sigh!

Mommy calls me her paper shredder, but that’s not necessarily a compliment. I’ve chewed post-it notes with important phone numbers (very tasty), a library book (not my fault, I always wanted to sink my teeth into a good book), magazine articles, gift bags ( Hey, I’m a puppy! ) in addition to a tennis shoe, expensive Osgoode Marley leather wallet and plenty of Kleenix and Puff tissues. Mommy used some of these when she saw her shoe and wallet. She thanked me for not eating the green paper with the picture of someone named Hamilton in the wallet, and didn’t even get angry at me. She said it was her fault for leaving temptation in front of me. Good Mommy!

For my birthday, I would love to receive toys, treats, paper to shred/eat, and snow! I’ve never seen snow, but have been told it’s a lot of fun. I also want to get my ear pierced, and wear a diamond stud. Mommy said that’s never going to happen. Maybe my big sister, Jessica, will help me out with that and a tattoo!

Riddle: What has 8 legs, makes Mommy scream and makes a delicious snack? Continuation of riddle: Why does Mommy not want me to kiss her after I eat one?

Mommy said she is going to make me her new writing assistant. She also said she is going to take Officer Mike’s advice and take a mental Valium to lower her heart rate when dealing with me. Mommy is so funny! As her assistant, I encourage you to spread the word!

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Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, Bethel Park, PA and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Her humorous writing is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. She has often written as Kanela, which is her Pen Name and means Sandra in Hawaiian. Her serious writing is genuine and written from her heart. She lives in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA with her husband and Zeus, her 119 pound German Shepherd, who is her constant companion and writing assistant. They have ongoing discussions about which one is Alpha in their pack.

To contact the author, click the following link.

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