Ididn'tarod

Mush, you Huskies!







I believe a winner has been declared for the 2012 Iditarod. Dallas Seavey (25), no relation to Sandra Seeley (39), mushed into Nome on 3-13-12.

Every year, I think about training for the next Iditarod, just because I like to say that word - it's funny! However, these are the top ten reasons why Ididn'tarod this year:

10. I don't live in Alaska. As Kanela, I actually live on-line inside your head. Also, it's just plain crazy to want to play outside approximately 2 degrees south of the Arctic Circle in bad, bad weather. A wind chill of -100 degrees F can also give you a bad hair day.

9. I refuse to wear a numbered bib that has to be visible at all times. I keep my bib hidden. It only comes out when I'm consuming soup or spaghetti sauce. Bibs are for babies, old people, and sissies like Dallas (Bib #34).

8. I'm addicted to fat free, sugar free, venti French Vanilla Cappuccinos. The Race follows the northern route for 1,112 miles in even numbered years and the southern route for 1,131 miles in odd years. You would think with over 2 thousand miles of trails, there would be at least one Starbucks. I find that odd!

7. It takes 9 to 15 days to finish The Race. I only have two personal days per year at work.

6. Moose, caribou and buffalo frighten me. They take me out of my comfort zone, because they can take me out!

5. I have ISF for the $3,000 US entry fee. I'm also leary of the $50 to $100 fine for tardiness at the rookie meeting or pre-race musher meeting. What if I'm delayed by a moose in need of anger management?

4. I need 15 additional dogs. Note to self: Go shopping!

3. It's quite time consuming to knit booties for 16 dogs. Let's see: 4 booties x 16 dogs = 64 booties. At present, I am certain my dog, Wolfgang, prefers blue booties. How do I determine if my yet to be purchased Huskies will want pink or blue paw protectors?

2. I was deeply involved with training for St. Patrick's Day. McDonald's Shamrock Shakes add weight to my Main Frame, not to mention adding weight to the sled.

1. And the number 1 reason Ididn'tarod was because Wolfgang refused to pee in a cup for the mandatory drug testing. He told me it's downright humiliating, and he has never inhaled an illegal substance in his life!

So looking ahead to March 2013, Wolfgang is getting advice from sissy Dallas' lead dogs, Guinness and Diesel. He's taking swing lessons (another term for lead or point dog). The only problem is, he can't decide on Lindy Hop, East Coast Swing, or West Coast Swing. But Wolfgang vows to teach Kanela (in dire need of remedial swing lessons) once he learns the moves. So until we meet again, Happy Southern Trails to you.

Please email entry fee contributions, booties of any size or color, and most importantly, comments of any size or color to musher@sandraseeley.com.

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Gerald, the Ford

This is not my Funny Ford!





Did you ever think that your car would think? Four wheels and a metal chassis are making you and me obsolete. Cars now parallel park for us and are being developed to drive Miss Daisy and everyone else. They will not allow us to run red lights or cruise through stop signs. They are motion detectors in motion. On long trips, they even engage us in conversation or play games with us to pass the time.

I just purchased the budget model of the Funny Ford. It doesn't do any of the above magic tricks, but it does keep me laughing on my daily commute. For example, when "Jerry" is hungry, he babbles non-stop about what he could "go for". Yesterday, he wanted Sunoco. Last week, he felt like having Get Go. On diet days, he asks for regular unleaded gasoline. What he doesn't realize is that medical research has proven this gas to be addictive. Jerry is just going to crave more gas in a few days.

All that horse power under the hood and brain power in the driver's seat, has made Jerry a bit of a flirt. He followed a cute Mustang all the way to her garage repeatedly. She eventually had to get a restraining order against him.

You can just imagine how Jerry reacts when he spots AAA buildings, car washes, tire stores, and 10 minute oil changes. Let's just say he loves to shop.

Jerry is also a huge NASCAR fan. He once crashed a race literally and figuratively. He invited himself into the starting line-up and then proceeded to trip over his own wheels. Jerry, the Ford, has earned his reputation as Mr. Clumsy.

In conclusion, what do you think about thinking cars? Email your thoughts or your car's thoughts to Kanela@sandraseeley.com

PS
Today's rate is $3.85 per comment. You don't have to understand why you are paying so much for humor, you just need to recognize the demand for Kanela's humor fluctuates daily. Checks, money orders, credit cards, Lottery tickets, cash, and demands can all be emailed to my Swiss Bank Account. See my article: "From Piggy Bank to Swiss Bank". Viewing this article is not a requirement, I'm just thinking if demand increases, my rate per comment will also increase. Fill-up on Kanela today!

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Winning by Losing

What do Jennifer Hudson, Charles Barkley, and Kanela have in common? If you guessed that we all play basketball for a living, you would be incorrect. If you guessed that we all count points, you would earn 26 to 29 Weight Watcher points depending on your flexibility.

I have unofficially appointed myself as the official WW spokesperson for women over 50. I consider this a non-scale related victory, so I'm also awarding myself a Bravo Star Sticker (BSS). FYI, I once received a BSS for not sulking when I didn't earn a BSS. Trust me, you could say anything and still get a BSS. For example:

Kanela: I had impure thoughts about an Almond Joy candy bar.

WW Leader: Bravo to you Kanela. Stick this star on your coconut brain and say 3 Hail Marys.

Kanela: The steering wheel in my car doesn't rub my stomach when driving anymore.

WW Leader: Bravo to you Kanela. Stick this star on your bucket and move it forward so your foot reaches the gas pedal.

However, I didn't earn a BSS that one week because I didn't open my mouth to say anything. I was actually afraid that points would fly in if I spoke!

So here's my Game Plan. For one month, I'm going to do everything WW has taught me. I'm going to track all of my healthy choices in foods, attend meetings, drink plenty of water, spritz Omega 3's on edible plants and then edible them, and savor one Centrum Silver for Women a day. I think it was Ben Franklin who said, "A vitamin a day keeps scurvy away." Believe me, I know from experience that scurvy is not attractive on women over 50. It itches! It also attracts sailors, who are neither officers nor gentlemen!

After one month, I'm going to report back to you with a scale-related victory. When I acquire enough scale-related victories, I'll reveal the face and body of Kanela to you.

Please email words of encouragement, BSS's, and offers of syndication to WW Kanela@sandraseeley.com

Each comment will earn you 1 BSS. Start your own collection today.

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