Movie Review: Die Hard

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Movie Review: Die Hard 

                                                                  

While waiting for my TV to be resurrected (sorry, Jesus, I'm not asking for a miracle, just waiting to purchase a new one) from storm damage, I decided to watch a never before seen movie on my Chromebook through Amazon Prime. 

For 38 years (since Die Hard first premiered in 1988), I have been hearing the controversy about whether this is a Christmas movie. It does take place on Christmas Eve during an office holiday party on the 30th floor of the fictional 40 story Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles. Traditional Christmas music is part of the score, sometimes used in non-traditional ways. Here are some takeaways from the movie:

Movie heroes like Bruce Willis' John McClain always, like a Timex watch, take a licking and keep on ticking. Spoiler alert for the 5 people who have never seen this movie: a watch (probably not a Timex) has a starring role! Meanwhile if I even get a hangnail...

This movie did not receive an Oscar for costume design. Bruce (John) was usually wearing a ribbed, sleeveless undershirt (I don't want to use its derogatory name) that turns sweatier, bloodier and yuckier as the plot intensifies. 

Since most of the movie takes place inside a building, there was little opportunity for me to relive drift brake slides vicariously. That's one reason I like action movies.

If you ever break a glass in the kitchen while barefoot, don't worry about it, you'll be fine. Just walk over it and pretend that it is sugar glass. 

The plot centers around Hans Gruber and his villainous German henchman who first appear to be terrorists, but turn out to be educated, highly intelligent thieves. Bad guy, Uli, even steals a Nestle Crunch bar from a vending area before the SWAT team shootout. However, Hans Gruber is more interested in stealing the untraceable bearer bonds in the building's vault. For those of you who don't understand what the heck these things are (like me), let me just say they are like cryptocurrency (I have no clue about this either), but totally different. These bad guys are really scary, but some have prettier hair than moi.

The LAPD and FBI were not portrayed very favorably in this movie. I speak from experience since I used to live in the next apartment to an undercover drug detective. We shared the same dining room wall. In fact my ukulele group often plays the song Knock Three Times in my honor. Am I blushing? I also have a dating history with a police chief and a Lieutenant on a different force, so I know what I'm talking about. Quoting a tag line in the movie: Yippee-ki-yay, but leaving out the R rated ending to this quote. 

Bruce Willis was young and healthy in the movie. Time can be cruel. 

My favorite part of the movie was when one bad guy was really p----d off at John. Holly, John's wife, says something like, "I know John's still alive because only he can make someone that angry!"

In conclusion, was it a Christmas movie? In my opinion, yes, it was a typical Hallmark Christmas movie (perhaps minus all the C-4 and detonators)!

Here's my Call To Action: I'm looking for volunteers to watch the next scary movie with me (a police officer for protection would be appreciated). I'm also asking you to rate the movie or my article about it with a 1-5 hibiscus rating, with 5 being I love your humor! If you are a robot, you can still participate (I feel bad for robots. They're never allowed to do anything online). I'm giving the movie a 4 hibiscus rating. 

                                                 

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.