Cuteness Day: Sloths

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Cuteness Day: Sloths

  I think God has a sense of humor (I hope He laughs at my posts), but I wonder what He was thinking when He created the sloth.                                                                                                                                                                                       

Sloths are literally designed to fall out of trees. Anatomically, sloths' bodies are built to survive a 100 foot plummet without injury. On average, a sloth will fall out of a tree once a week for its entire life. 

Sloth: Darn, I forgot it's Fallday! 

Sloth: While I'm down here, I'll take care of my weekly business (pooping)!

Digs a little hole, poops, covers it and climbs back up the tree in slow motion, recovers for six days only to repeat the cycle next week.

In a tree, a sloth takes on the persona of your couch potato friend (or maybe a fall prone Dick Van Dyke). However, in the water he becomes a Michael Phelps clone. I read that a sloth can hold his breath for up to 40 minutes. Someone once said (that someone may have been my askGpt friend and I don't want to be arrested by the plagiarism police) on land they move like a loading progress bar, but in the water they look almost competent! (wish I had thought of that analogy)

I have a surprise announcement. I've been training my pet sloth (pictured above) to compete in the Summer Olympics of 2028 in Los Angeles. Molasses is entered in the first ever 50 meter Slothy Paddle. Stay tuned to hear more about his progress. In sloth time, that means you will never hear the results. 

Molasses and other sloths often mistake their arm for a tree branch. There are reports of sloths trying to grab onto their own arm, losing balance and falling (perhaps accounting for weekly fall statistics). I'm wondering if their brains, in addition to their bodies, are also working in power save mode. 

Molasses spends 90% of his time hanging upside down. I have no clue what he is thinking about. I would be thinking about my next meal. Molasses eats a leaf a week! 

It's difficult to interact with a sloth pet. I've had to fine tune my expectations. Today, I'm going to put a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck in solidarity with Molasses (I'll put one around his ankles) and watch algae grow on his fur. This is way more fun than watching paint dry! 

We are also going to have a contest to see who can smile the most. This was M's idea. I don't think I have a chance at winning. Molasses may be an introvert, but at least he's a happy one. 

I hope you enjoyed your fix of cuteness. Perhaps there will be more to come. I'd love to hear your suggestions for something cute to write about. One of the hardest things for this writer is coming up with ideas. If your idea is selected for future posts, you won't win a prize, but you will be mentioned in the credits that my 202,108 readers (this is a real accounting of my viewers) will see. Good luck and don't be a sloth about commenting on this post, please! 

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

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Year of the Horse

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Introducing my Blaze, in honor of the Chinese zodiac 2026 Year of the Fire Horse. This is a rare and dynamic event that occurs only once every 60 years. The year begins with the Lunar New Year on February 17, 2026 and concludes on February 5, 2027. 

The Fire Horse year is known as a year of massive transformative momentum. It encourages bold decisions, rapid change and breaking free from old patterns or stagnation according to the all knowing Google. 

I have much to do before next month. First I have to dust off my Feng Shui knowledge and everything else in my house. Mr. Shui is a firm taskmaster, commanding me to channel intense Fire energy into productive action while introducing cooling elements like Water and Earth to prevent burnout and instability. 

I already lean toward the unstable side of any equation ( I never did understand math, that's why I'm a writer and not a mathematician), so I'm going to work on preventing burnout. This has an easy remedy. I'm supposed to introduce Water through tabletop fountains, aquariums or a bowl of clean water in the center of my home which must be refilled daily. 

I would love to have a tabletop fountain (which I may ask either the Universe or both of my readers for), I would also love to have an aquarium, but don't want to force any creature into captivity, that wouldn't be very Feng Shui (funhng shway-ee) in my opinion. I can manage a bowl of clean water, but fear that refilling it every day may lead to burnout instead of the opposite purpose! 

I'm also supposed to use wood to fuel my success. So I am in the process of stacking cherry wood logs that I purchased for $45.99 a case. They are a gourmet wood and advertise as having an enticing aroma. Hopefully, by just sitting by my bowl of clean water, they will be the "fuel" that sustains Fire energy without letting it flicker out.

I have claimed the horse as my spirit animal. The toy I remember most from my toddler days is a small rubber horse. I remember having a major temper tantrum at age 4 when I found out I had a baby brother instead of a horse! (Sorry, Michael!) I have experienced seeing the wild mustangs on the beach of the Outer Banks, North Carolina. I purchased a Mustang Ecoboost in 2025. I drove a Dark Horse on the drag strip at the Charlotte Motor Speedway while participating in the Mustang Unleashed driving course, also in 2025. And someday, I still hope to own a horse of my own (like my Doppleganger as seen in my last article titled What a Difference a Dot Makes).

So dear readers, fire up your horses, cars, imaginations, to fuel your momentum and break free from your patterns of stagnation. Please comment and let me know how you plan to achieve transformative momentum in the Year of the Fire Horse. "Hi-Yo, Silver, Away!"

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author

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What a Difference a Dot Makes

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What a difference a dot makes, especially in an email address. Apparently there are two Sandra Seeleys, but one lives in Greenville, New York and the original one (moi) lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I have been receiving the imposter's emails for several years now. 

I have tried emailing her to relay some important information, but just ended up emailing myself! I've sent her a friend request, but I guess she doesn't want to be my friend (how sad). I've tried messaging her with no response (Is it possible to ghost oneself?). In desperation, I've even sent her a lovely letter by way of the most unconventional method imaginable (USPS). 

I first became aware of Sandra #2 (S#2) when I received an email telling me my (her) credit card was declined for her order of dog food. I didn't want New York Doggie to go hungry, so this is when I first started trying to contact S#2. 

Over the years, I have learned a wealth of information about this person. I know that she has a dog and a horse, a horse that gets routine meds to prevent horsey diseases. I envy S#2 because I too want a horse. I envy her for other more personal reasons such as her bra size (not saying whether I wish my ladies were larger or smaller!). S#2 recently ordered shoes, and I have to admit, I'm happier with my smaller size in footwear. I know her preferences in shampoo and household items. I know that she places a lot (too many in my opinion) of orders on eBay. 

The only reason any of this bothers me is because I get an email every single time she orders something. Then I get an update about the expected delivery date. Then I get an email notification when it is delivered. I'm just wondering if my annoying doppelganger is also receiving these notifications.

I would love for S#2 to change her email address, but I know that would probably complicate her life. So I'm resigned to receiving unwanted emails and not having a new friend. 

A Call To Action: If any of my readers know Sandra Seeley of Greenville, New York, please let her know that I've been trying to reach her. I'm not a stalker, just a frustrated writer who will continue to use her emails for my humor columns unless she agrees to be my friend. How pathetic is that that I have to blackmail someone into being my friend? Will you be my friend instead? If you comment on this article, I will consider you my friend! 

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

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