Saturday, February 22, 2020

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-six

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                   
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-six

These boots are definitely not made for walking, no matter what that song says! My West Coast son stated that I look like a Stormtrooper straight out of “Star Wars.” So for the next 3 weeks (or until these boots come off), I’m going to live by Stormtrooper rules with a few WW rules thrown in for variety (and weight loss).

In my research of these Imperial fighters (with the help of my assistant, Zeus), I discovered that retreat is not an option for them. This may be due to flexibility issues such as not being able to reach their reverse button. Likewise, quitting WW is not an option for me. The rebel resistance in me will win this war on fat, no matter how long the battle.

Stormtroopers must wear all parts of their armor at all times. My doctor (Dr. Emperor Palpatine) told me the same thing. I’m even supposed to sleep with my boot on. Being of the mindset that I would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission, my foot has been sleeping in the nude. Will Dr. P be able to tell that I did not follow his rule when I see him in March? I certainly hope not. I’ve heard there are dire consequences for subversive behavior.

Everything a Stormtrooper says is recorded and evaluated via a microphone inside their helmets. If my doctor and WW coach are listening via boot microphone, I have no treasonous intentions, perhaps just some basic incompetence. So please stop eavesdropping, it’s not a polite thing to be doing.

Another online source said that Stormtroopers train all their lives, but forget all training during battle. This proves that I have Stormtrooper DNA. How can I train so hard in WW mode, yet forget everything when tough situations arise? I’m clinging to the idea that I’m only messing up at times because my boot made me do it. Once the boot comes off, there’s no stopping me. I will reach my goal weight.

So here’s some advice for my fellow WW Stormtroopers: Practice your aim so you don’t miss your intended target, and don’t die easily. In addition, obey all WW laws!

Until next week, as my friend Yoda would say, “Do or do not. There is no try,” and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.


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Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, Bethel Park, PA and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Her humorous writing is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. She has often written as Kanela, which is her Pen Name and means Sandra in Hawaiian. Her serious writing is genuine and written from her heart. She lives in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA with her husband and Zeus, her 119 pound German Shepherd, who is her constant companion and writing assistant. They have ongoing discussions about which one is Alpha in their pack.

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