The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-seven

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Wanted: Sandy's Mojo

Chapter Thirty-seven

Local, state and federal (I’ve crossed a few lines) authorities have issued an APB for my mojo. She was last seen wearing an ear to ear smile and bell bottoms. No, I did not leave her behind at Woodstock, bury her beneath the moguls on the Avalanche Trail at Seven Springs Ski Resort or sink her (along with one $85 Scuba Pro Jet Fin) on my first open water dive as part of my NASDS (National Association of Scuba Diving Schools) certification test. For the record, I passed this very difficult test. Nor did she disappear as I was posting at a trot, cantering or jumping over Rocky Mountain high hurdles (one foot high). Actually, she could have gone missing in 3 out of the 4 scenarios listed above. I’ll let you decide which one was not true for me.

So where is Ms. Mojo? Apparently she has been lying dormant within me for quite a few years. Years that have added weight, arthritis, glasses, diminished finances, loss of beloved family members, etc. In other words, life happened. It’s hard enough to tug on a wetsuit on a normal size body (think neck to ankle girdle/spanx) let alone trying to stuff the current model of you into foamed neoprene on a sweltering summer day. It may take two of your diving buddies to dress you, like stuffing a queen size pillow into a twin size pillow case. You could get the bends just from all the hyperventilating involved, but still earn some activity points!

However, I am determined to release my mojo from her inner confinement. I want to regain my 21 year old self’s enthusiasm for life. In this season of Lent, I’ve promised to feed my soul more than my stomach. I’m going to take John Greenleaf Whittier’s advice to buy hyacinths to nourish my soul. I’m going to accept that I have physical limitations for some of my previous activities, but be open to new possibilities. I’m going to sew my mojo back on like Peter Pan’s shadow. As Wendy told Peter, “After all, one can’t leave his shadow (mojo) lying about and not miss it sooner or later, don’t you agree?” So let’s all rediscover our mojos. I’ll sprinkle us with pixie dust as we leap into the air (especially on this 29th day of February) and we’ll fly toward our own personal Neverlands. Just take “the second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” You can’t miss it.

Until next week, BOLO for any missing mojos, return to their owners and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

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The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-six

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                   

By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-six

These boots are definitely not made for walking, no matter what that song says! My West Coast son stated that I look like a Stormtrooper straight out of “Star Wars.” So for the next 3 weeks (or until these boots come off), I’m going to live by Stormtrooper rules with a few WW rules thrown in for variety (and weight loss).

In my research of these Imperial fighters (with the help of my assistant, Zeus), I discovered that retreat is not an option for them. This may be due to flexibility issues such as not being able to reach their reverse button. Likewise, quitting WW is not an option for me. The rebel resistance in me will win this war on fat, no matter how long the battle.

Stormtroopers must wear all parts of their armor at all times. My doctor (Dr. Emperor Palpatine) told me the same thing. I’m even supposed to sleep with my boot on. Being of the mindset that I would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission, my foot has been sleeping in the nude. Will Dr. P be able to tell that I did not follow his rule when I see him in March? I certainly hope not. I’ve heard there are dire consequences for subversive behavior.

Everything a Stormtrooper says is recorded and evaluated via a microphone inside their helmets. If my doctor and WW coach are listening via boot microphone, I have no treasonous intentions, perhaps just some basic incompetence. So please stop eavesdropping, it’s not a polite thing to be doing.

Another online source said that Stormtroopers train all their lives, but forget all training during battle. This proves that I have Stormtrooper DNA. How can I train so hard in WW mode, yet forget everything when tough situations arise? I’m clinging to the idea that I’m only messing up at times because my boot made me do it. Once the boot comes off, there’s no stopping me. I will reach my goal weight.

So here’s some advice for my fellow WW Stormtroopers: Practice your aim so you don’t miss your intended target, and don’t die easily. In addition, obey all WW laws!

Until next week, as my friend Yoda would say, “Do or do not. There is no try,” and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

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The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-five

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss
By Sandra Warholic Seeley                                     

Chapter Thirty-five

I, Zeus Seeley, am using Mom’s Chromebook while she is applying ice to her foot and drink. Her vet told her not to mix strong meds and alcohol, which she insists she did not put in the same glass. Good girl! I’m just wondering why Mom thinks everything is funny lately. Personally, I don’t see the humor in foot surgery.

My favorite holiday is today, Valentine’s Day. I get treats every day, but February 14th treats are the best. Just for the record, I adore Easter basket treats and Christmas stocking treats and Pill Pocket treats (what was that bitter tasting crunch inside?) and birthday treats and reward treats and … I think you get the idea that I love treats! All of my WW friends may be wondering how I maintain my goal weight if I am consuming high smart point value goodies. The answer is simple. One, I do not control the cookie jar, and two, I chase my tail during TV commercials. Moderation and activity win the race every time.

Mom’s favorite treat is chocolate covered cherries for several reasons. She told me that one CCC satisfies her sweet tooth for only 3 Smart Points. But more importantly, a box of chocolate covered cherries was responsible for her Mom meeting her Dad. It’s a long family story, but trust me when I tell you that a piece of candy can lead to dating, marriage, babies, and a CCC traditional holiday gift that spans generations. After a lot of research, I discovered that these cherry morsels appeared in many love stories: Sir Lancelot met Guinevere when she actually stole one of his CCC inside the saddlebag on his horse. He then escorted her back to Camelot falling more deeply in love with every passing mile. It’s been reported that as the Titanic was sinking, Jack gave Rose all the remaining CCCherries in his pocket. If only Charlie Brown had realized the power of this candy, he would have bought a box for his friends, resulting in a mailbox full of Valentines for him. Also, he would not have kicked his empty mailbox so hard that he required surgery on his foot!

If Mom were not sleeping right now, she would try to inspire her WW friends with a song from “Camelot.” To paraphrase the lyrics of “What Would the Simple Folk Do?” she would tell you to whistle, sing, dance and laugh your cares away. I would like to add that you should track a treat today and enjoy it.

So Happy Valentine’s Day from Mom and me. To show you how much we love you, I’m going to leave you with this quote from my friend, Winnie the Pooh, “If you live to be a hundred, I want to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

Mom would say until next week, she is accepting all gifts of chocolate covered cherries, she hopes there is at least one Valentine in your mailbox and she hopes you will be happier every day.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

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The Lighter Side of Weight Loss: Chapter Thirty-four

The Lighter Side of Weight Loss                                     

Halfway to Goal

By Sandra Warholic Seeley

Chapter Thirty-four

The best thing about my foot surgery on February 3rd is that I don’t remember anything about my surgery. They (masked people) wheeled me out of my pre-op holding area and I was asleep before I arrived in the operating room theatre (Area 51?). I do remember waking up to a YouTube video (in my mind only) of Hauser (hunky cello player) and senorita (a singer with no need for WW) playing and singing “I Will Always Love You.” Prior to surgery, I asked my husband (Edward the Great) to watch that video with me. I told ETG if he wants me to be in a better mood, just look at me the way Hauser looks at his woman. Here is the link for your viewing pleasure: HAUSER and Señorita - I Will Always Love You

I do remember everything before my surgery, especially asking (begging) my assigned nurse to ask the anesthesiologist not to question my weight in front of ETG if he expected an honest answer. It was clearly written in my chart, no need to broadcast the results! This nurse must have been warned ahead of time to humor the crazy WW lady, since she actually attached a note to my chart, written in red Sharpie, to avoid the weight question. This note worked for Dr. Twilight Zone (he did not ask my weight), but the attached note caught ETG’s attention. I had to snatch the clipboard from Edward’s hands and explain that all information on my chart was classified on a strictly need to know basis.

While in recovery, I asked ETG what my surgeon had to say about the operation. He said he did not get to talk to the doctor because he (Edward Not So Great) was in the snack bar at the time that discussion should have taken place. This is a prime example of when I would want to be eating out of frustration, but I am now practicing mindful eating. Also, there was an IV needle in one arm and a big bandage/boot contraption on one foot that made access to food difficult.

I am now recuperating at home with my faithful companion, Zeus. We both have injured right, rear paws. His injury was caused from a self-inflicted pulled toenail, exposing the nerve. My 1st metatarsophalangeal joint arthrodesis procedure was necessary because of arthritis in my big toe joint. I need to trade Zeus’ cone for my boot, it will make eating more difficult for me and easier for Zeus.

Here’s a little non scale victory footnote (pun intended)! I was sent home with a Junior size walker, because I am so petite. Even though this description of me was referring to my height (5’), my oxycodone filled brain took the comment as a weight related compliment.

Until next week, accept any stray compliments, don’t eat out of frustration (wear a cone if necessary), laugh a little harder and be happier.

Sandra Warholic Seeley - All my life, and half of someone else's, I have lived in a humorous place called Earth. My muse is a tiny menehune from the island of Oahu in Hawaii where I lived for a year. Ernest Hemingway once sat under the exact same coconut tree where I did most of my writing. I'm also a sensitive to criticism Virgo who loves to get paid for writing and speaking funny stuff. Even though my mind is filled with volcanic ash residue and I'm still finding sand in my shorts, I will continue to write until my muse retires or I run out of pretty blue drinks, whichever comes first. Don't be bashful, email the author.

Continue Reading