Oops

"Oops" is a funny word, but the events that follow are funny or not/fiction or not. You decide.

This is a picture of me, Kanela, standing on the Pali Cliffs of Oahu. They are over 1,000 feet high with howling winds.The very same cliffs that King Kamehameha I (not to be confused with King Kamehameha II) in 1795 used for enemy removal. Waste Management came every Monday for pick-up at least 400 times.

So here are the people I intend to invite to a Pali Cliff Party:

Dear Donald Trumpet, Come blow your own horn with me immediately. No need to bring logic or reason. Oh, I forgot, you don't have any. Step a little closer to the edge for that special photo opportunity. One more step. Oops!

Dear Principals X, Y and Z, I'm throwing a Remember When Party just for you. Don't feel threatened if I back you to the edge. You would never have done that to me. Oops!

Dear Lawn Guy, We have some unfinished business such as clearing certain areas of my yard and applying Preen to prevent future poison ivy growth. You were paid in advance, but after a month of phone calls, I still can't reach you. Please come to my party and we will call ourselves even. Oops!

Dear Health America, Before you come to my party, you might want to consider a Pali Cliff Advantage Program for yourself. Don't worry, you won't have to wait weeks for an MRI approval or pay thousands of dollars in hospital costs because you were only admitted for observation. You won't be admitted at all. Oops!

Dear Neighbor, We are going to have a fireworks party on the Pali Cliff. You set off explosions days before and after the 4th of July that traumatized my assistant, Wolfgang. Therefore, I'm not bringing him, just bringing a lot of residual anger (I mean goodwill). The edge of the cliff is the perfect spot for launching your missiles, mortars and shells, bottle rockets and other legal or illegal pyrotechnics. Accidents sometimes happen when handling dangerous objects. Oops!

Dear Reader, Don't panic. I'm not inviting you to my party (unless you don't leave a nice comment). I'm inviting you to suggest other possible party attendees. If I get enough of them, I could write a "Last Seen on the Pali Cliff" article (as opposed to the "Seen" articles in my local newspaper). Oops!

Aloha and Mahalo,
Kanela

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

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What's a Wolfgang?

As two little girls were walking past our house, I overheard Girl One saying to her friend, "Wolfgang lives here."

Girl Two asked, "What's a Wolfgang?"

That my friends is a very good question. Besides being my faithful assistant for 8 years, Wolfgang wears a lot of collars (and sunglasses).

One of those collars now sports the logo: AARP. According to Dr. Vet, Wolfers is now a senior citizen. No way! Ce n'est pas possible! Both Kanela and The Wolf protest being put into this classification. On my next food foray, I'm going to look for Blue Senior Food for Puppies. This way my puppy can romp and frolic with extra glucosamine and chondroitin for his joints. And just to be on the safe side, AARP's Petplan Insurance will cover any playground injuries.

Another collar reads: Wolfgang the Brave, Protector of His People. Ever vigilant, that's our guy. Every week-day he prepares for the Meals-On-Wheels invasion. Grandma and Wolfgang eagerly await these people for different reasons. Granny just wants to eat her meal, but Wolfgang acts as if he's going to eat the people delivering it. Or he may be a bit perturbed that now that he's a senior, they are not leaving any meals for him.

However, the Mail Lady is someone else eagerly awaited. Wolfgang treats her like his personal ice cream truck. He senses her arrival minutes before she actually arrives. If he can't greet her with wagging tail and open mouth, he knows there will be a treat waiting for him in our mailbox.

Wolfgang is a bit skittish around vacuum cleaners, weed whackers and other loud buzzing machines. I can't blame him though. They scare me, too. His two best friends, Keegan and Frank, sympathize with him and give him phobia advice. Keegan (the Irish Terrier) tells him to run behind his chair if he sees a squirrel or vacuum cleaner. Frank (the Husky/Wolf/Raptor) suggests a low growl if feeling threatened and then turn over for a belly rub.

After a hard day's work assisting me with research and many naps, Wolfgang prepares for bed. His teeth get brushed with his favorite chicken flavored toothpaste, he watches the news for funny story ideas, he makes sure all of his people are in the house and curls up with me for sweet dreams.

So what's a Wolfgang? He's 70 pounds of pure love.


As I said in an earlier article, Meet My Assistant, Wolfgang Amadeus, Wolfgang and Kanela will do anything for word treats. Please leave them. We are sitting and begging!

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

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Money Makeover

For some reason, 5 years from now seems a lot sooner than the arrival of 2020. In either case ladies, we need to get our act together, as well as our makeup kits. I'm hoping to convince Treasury Secretary, Jack Lew, to wave that pesky One Must Be Deceased Rule to qualify for picture status on the soon to be revised $10 bill. ("Pesky" is a funny word, "deceased" is not.)

First of all, I want to go on record as saying I don't think it's fair to bump Alexander Hamilton. He's been the "Face of the Ten" since 1929. A possible reason for the Deceased Rule is dead people can't protest demotions.

That being said, I would like to nominate Audrey Hepburn to be the new Face of the Ten for the following reasons:

• Audrey Hepburn and Alexander Hamilton have the same initials. (Irrelevant, but interesting)
• 1929 is significant to both AH's. Audrey was born in 1929 and Alexander first appeared on the current size bill.
• Audrey is more photogenic than Alex.
• Audrey was a proud supporter of UNICEF and voted in every election, even when on holiday in Rome and sizzling in Paris!

I would also like to propose a compromise. My research assistant, Wolfgang, informed me that $10 bills last an average of 3 years. They wear out from everyday use, are taken out of circulation and replaced. So why not alternate pictures every 3 years? Or better yet, why not print half of the bills with Audrey and the other half with Alexander every year? 

And isn't it about time to spice up our currency with some color? According to Audrey's son, Luca, Audrey's favorite color was cyan. So, I think a headshot of Audrey with a cyan background would be beautiful. Since we can't ask Alex his favorite color, I'm going to suggest red for his background color.

Although Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt or Rosa Parks would all be excellent choices to feature on a ten, my choice of Audrey is not completely frivolous. She did work for UNICEF for 38 years and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her work as a UN Goodwill Ambassador. In addition, she won an Oscar, Golden Globe, Emmy, Grammy, Tony and the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

In conclusion, even if Audrey Hepburn is not chosen by Jack Lew, I'm going to award Audrey posthumously (She's dead, not me!) the first annual Kanela Award for just being a good person. So be good dear readers ( good being defined as writing favorable comments about my articles) and you may be chosen for next year's Kanela Award.  

Contest to follow to design a Kanela! Think Hawaiian!

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

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