What's the Point?

Los Angeles has its famous Hollywood sign, but Pittsburgh South has the world renowned WILLOWPOINTE sign. What, you may ask lies behind this natural wonder? The answer is: The Center for Fitness and Health where Kanela spends much of her time doing cardio, circuit training and swimming. Losing weight is neither easy nor funny. Not losing weight while doing C, CT and S can be hilarious.

For example, did you ever try to watch The Dr. Oz Show on TV in a locker room while a naked lady got dressed in front of you? (I know, you wish this would happen to you!) Trust me, she was a naked lady of ample proportions and little modesty. I may be traumatized for life.

After a month at the gym, I lifted over 40,000 pounds and earned 3,000 reward points for this accomplishment. Once I reach the first reward level of 30,000 points, my prize is a bottle of water! What's funny is that I'm working like a nut case to earn that H2O. Hey, I'm thirsty!

I recently purchased a Weight Watchers (WW) Activity Monitor. It was to be worn continuously for the first 8 days during an assessment period. (I hate tests.) This supplies a base line of your activity. You can even wear it in the shower or swimming pool. Next step: plug it into your computer.Third step: Wear it every day. Try to beat your base line. (Good luck with that!)  Finally, plug it back into your computer for bar graphs and daily data analysis.

Here's the funny part. In my first week, I logged 150 minutes on the recumbent bike (24 miles), 3 hours of swimming and brutal (slight exaggeration) weight machine work-outs. I earned 1 Activity Point for the week which translates into 1 extra WW food point. That translated into perhaps 1 peanut beyond my weekly allotment of food.

So here's my solution. I'm going to attach the Activity Monitor to my faithful assistant, Wolfgang. He'll run around like crazy. I'll eat his extra WW points.

This will really confuse the WW app on my Smartphone. It's already puzzled from the time I scanned the Bar Code on Wolfgang's treat bag to figure out the points, in case I chose to eat them. I expect a reprimand soon for consuming too many Blue Buffalo Blueberry Yogurt treats. In my defense, the scanner indicated 0 points!

In conclusion, the final score is Kanela: 1 point, Gym: Way Ahead!

But who's counting?

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

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Potty Training Police Style

Rated PG-13 for mild humor!

According to the 5-12-15 edition of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, "Capitol police officers are getting training after officers accidentally left their guns in the Capitol's public bathrooms three times this year."

Really! Kanela is thinking about volunteering her services to train these officers in what to do when you have to go to the bathroom. Duty calls me!

Perhaps shoulder holsters would be a good idea or purses. Then they could hang their holster/purse on the back of the stall door. If the hook is missing on the back of the door, as it often is, they could always hang it around their necks or do complicated maneuvers to keep the gun in their hands at all times. I call this part of my training: Going On Maneuvers.

The newspaper article did not identify these officers as male or female. I'm not being biased, but I have a feeling they were not female. So gentlemen, sign up for my intensive training and I will show you how to jockey those Jockeys with skill and care. Note: Kanela is blushing a pretty shade of pink! Also, "jockey" is a funny word.

Next on my agenda for forgetful cops is memory training which I call: Memory Enhancement. I have used my special technique on my 97 year old Mother and have had amazing results. I can't give away all my techniques, but just let me say this training involves some post-it notes, string and perhaps some Riunite Lambrusco. The Riunite is for me. It helps me forget what Mom doesn't remember. Also, public restrooms could display a large sign on the inside of the main door reminding cops and criminals alike to take their guns with them.

My third and final technique is called: Visualization. Apparently one of the guns left in the john was left by an officer who was protecting House Speaker John Boehner. I know it's tough love, but I will tell all future officer trainees that if they ever forget their gun, they will be forced to protect this orange skinned, frowny faced man until they retire or his skin takes on a more natural hue or he turns that frown upside down. Whichever comes first.

In conclusion, be one of the first officers to sign up for Potty Training at Kanela's Korner and receive a free Velcro Your Gun to Your Uniform Kit while supplies last. Cost of the course is negotiable contingent upon making a favorable comment below. Cost is also in indirect proportion to the quality of the favorable comment.

To read the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article please click the following link:
http://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2015/05/20/capitol-police-chief-no-excuse-for-leaving-guns-in-bathroom

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

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Lighter Side of God

Disclaimer: I do have a relationship with God, but He does have a sense of humor. He actually told me I'm funny! And that word was very good.

God recently went shopping with me. "Does this make my butt look fat?" I asked.

He answered in his Irish brogue,"Believe Me and Mr. Rogers when I tell you, you are perfect just the way you are, but a wee bit more will power may help you avoid food temptations. And you could walk with Me on the treadmill."

That's my God, ever so tactful.

God sends pop-up messages straight to my brain. I can't block them, so I'm convinced I should start acting on the repeat incomings. For example: He keeps giving me ideas for this humor column. He suggested I write about the funny effects of marijuana or FBI agents leaving their guns in public bathrooms. In the past, I would have ignored these great suggestions. But the new me is going to write about pot and forgetful agents and anything else that pops up in my inner sanctum. You and I will both be surprised.

God said, "Ask and you shall receive."

That's one app you won't see for sale on iTunes.

So in conclusion, this author, otherwise known as Kanela, will be asking you to "Like and comment". All comments are welcome. After I'm done sobbing over any negative comments, I will send subliminal messages your way to "Like" me more.

Sandra Warholic Seeley is the creator and author of Kanela's Korner and The Sandra Seeley Column. She is a lifelong educator who has taught in Hawaii, where Kanela was born; Bethel Park, where her 3 children were born and in the inner city schools of Pittsburgh Public where her passion for the underprivileged began. Kanela's Korner is often 95% fiction and 5% fact, leaving the reader to do the math. Her motto is: Funny or not, here I come! Her faithful assistant, Wolfgang, is always by her side. He looks just like a black Lab and works for treats. To contact the author, click the following link.

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